spring called (May 2019)

It was a harsh winter
And we made it through
but then spring called me

I had never heard her voice like that

her words ripped me open
a chasm
I'll forever fear

I blindly find my keys, my shoes

my throat is closing
my mind collapsed

I rush to see my angel

parking lot phones calls
the wailing begins
I blindly walk in

she holds the plastic bag
I cannot hold her tears

and now were in a river
it's wild and has no rhythm

it does not warn us of it's curves
we scream and fight to stay afloat
and this river isn't cleansing
why can't it soothe and calm?
everything is backwards now
and spring won't gift us life

and nothing really blooms
although
my house is full of flowers
Because my sister said it best:

the pain it dances underneath 

queen 7/26/2019

ferns take breath
we have the same lungs
and I breathe in too
deeply

a moment away
I step lightly
and my feet blend
with the Earth

I am the queen of the forest
I am the butterfly
I am the moss
I am she

we grow together
oxygen dripping
color pulsing
in our eternal embrace
with spirit

I am the queen of the forest
I know that well

I am she
eternally

slip away (unknown date)

your kiss withheld
please hold me tight
don't leave me here
my own sacrifice

you turn your eyes
so you can't recall
what you said that night
when our love was strong

you say love isn't far
I must be blind
and you look for what makes you
more alive

I'd bleed for us
tell me it's alright

reflect (2014)

you're so mysterious
in the morning
blurred grey hues
sly with shadows
full of light

you surprise me
with your color
defined in lines
not in heart
full intention
sky reflection

loves not lost 11/20/14

to meet the sun
you lace up early

steal back in to wake your lady

loves not as lost as they say
wild fires still burn

you greet the sun
you wake up early
steal back in
you call her baby

loves not lost on us

race (unknown date)

white porch
six birth stone rings
fall through the cracks

owl at night
crumbling street

tallest trees
sap on my hands

extra long jump rope
his car is on fire

dogwood blooms and
lipstick iris

it's all race
away from pain

run from the chows
catch butterflies
chat at the fence

I'll race til I'm old
and the pain catches up

j.g (unknown date)

hospital gown and
mask
clean my hands
clean our home
food away
grandmas at bay

deepest summer (2012)

eight in a canoe

we sing hymns in the cave

tears of ending 

prayers together 

backs on the tennis courts

heads in the middle

tears streaming 

of laughter

of healing 

letters on yellow paper 

breathless

listened to 

owl glasses and curly brown hair 

daisies behind our ears 

designs behind our eyes

endless laughter

early alarms and

peppermint pockets 

cabana talks 

my cracks get filled 

cool night air 

no need to run 

openness 

warm rain, I'm warm to the bone 

stormy clouds 

closet hugs and radio connections

race to the sunset 

and I don't want it to end 

morning 2014

in sleep peace disappears
I'll see you in the morning

you don't have a song
but I'll see you in the morning

a new sunrise in it's time
we'll see it in the morning

can't 6/14

I can't
but I will for you

sow (6/2014)

my roots here are deep
love won't grow cold

to take me from this place
is to take me from my gold

so go with me there
stay by my side

I'll do anything
to not leave you behind

rip my heart out
and put there instead

seeds that will grow
life I will sow

need (10/13)

I need to know
if grace can reach this far
if sun can set apart
my silhouette
if days blur into one
if half written songs can be sung
I need to now
I am not half-hearted

it was me that started this fight
it was you I wrestled all night

I need to know that my pain has color
that bleeds with the sunset
that my joy swells in the morning
when greeted with dawn

love unending
love surrendering
grace is erasing
it's me I'm facing

white paint over
the broken places
pictures, faces
I do not regret
I cannot repent

and you hug me anyways



10/2013

river 6/10

do you see me in the river
do you see me in the sky

yes I'll see you in the river
and I see you every night in the sky

6/1/14

prayed to be seen
hummingbird mid day
spider on the wall at night
honesty cuts me like a knife

seeds / fear 5/2014

You plant our wildflower seeds
I cry my fearful tears
love me til the end
love me in my fears
pull me close when I'm behind
kiss me on the steps
make me lighter
give me water
hold my hand

I make you lighter
give you water
love you til the end

stains 10/14

Tea stains
instead of tear stains
sometimes they interchange

sister (unknown date)

My dear sister
she's one of a kind
got mountains underneath
her feet all the time

kill (unknown date)

what would you kill in you
for me
could death on the breeze
bring life to me

steel 3/2014

you've got a back bone made of steel
that's what he told you
and you're perfect just the way you are
please don't hide your pretty scars

I can't wait to see
when you like you
as much as you like me

frozen 3/29/2014

the heater is on high but I'll never be warm

the heaters on high and I'm frozen to the bone 

couldn't ever do it 

couldn't ever be

now I'll never do it

and now I'll never be 

Slopes (unknown date)

carpet scuffling
ceiling fan dusting
knots on the walls
knew holes through the walls (look into the basement)
christmas smell of pine
spring of honeysuckle
digging for change like treasure in the coach (big brothers)
zoo puzzle in a circle
run from baby sitters
screens inside of glass
fire fighters pride
you can feel it too
borrowed plates
and cookies lent
mint green berries will hide you away
dusk
beautiful dusk
cap gun smoke
we wanted grandma to quit
parades on the fun days
tears on the grief days
he's always waiting at the bottom of the hill
were finding golden ribbons
and burying mothers jewelry
up the metal ladder
on the yellow swing
through the big branch pile
surprise lilies so pink

heavy / pretty 2/2/14

and if it feels too heavy
I'll take half your load
I know it hurts to be so pretty
if you're never told

we've got each other
come on lets heal

stick around 10/2013

take me to the end
no
help me stick around
let's talk all night
I need you by my side

not the same 10/8/13

She says "I'm not the same"
and I already know
I feel she's letting go

wander (unknown date)

my eyes are kind
my words are sweet

my hands are set
I give it all

I love my sweet
I give it all

my feet are cold
I give it all

my heart it hurts
I give it all

my mind it doubts
I give it all

and in your dreams you wander

space 10/2013

Space to breathe
give it air
let it billow
learn the dance
let it go where you go
give it time
give it grace
the dance is bringing it along

stay 9/26/13

laughter tumbles about
awaking those beginning dreams
of feeling deeper than I've felt
and knowing I'm always held
wanted from the start
loved along the way
deeper than a feeling
let it be to stay

flames (unknown date)

fire in your eyes
I made the flame
move me in the darkness
embers turn to blaze
take me there
I'll consume you
oh I swear
I promise you

darker 9/15/2013

Pearls and black nails
darker hair and cool air
finally things have changed
finding beauty in new ways

Remember 9/13/2013

when summer rain makes the pavement hot
I'll remember you

when the burdens seem too much to bear
I'll remember you

when laughter brings tears and I'm not alone
I'll remember you

when I see beauty in all of the hard things
I'll remember you

beyond the middle 9/2013

change falling out of your pocket when we kiss
chatting about scales on the piano bench
let's walk for miles in each others shoes
I'll meet beyond the middle
just to be with you

9/2013

beautiful mind 9/12/13

I'm on my way to freedom
so I change the minute hand
on the clock
just this once

I don't want to fall behind

how could I though
now that I know
that the look in your eyes
that tells me of my beautiful mind

9/12/13

garden hose 9/12/13

garden hose gulping

and spider water drinking 

wedding the strawberry beds

walnut stained my feet will be

and the snowball bushes bring life to me 

9/12/13

Ink 8/16/26

ink spots

even my pen bleeds

how do I fall in and out love 

so damn easily 

8/16/26

New love 8/2013

you light my fire and keep me warm
when it's winter cold
and when I'm at war
you hold me tight
and you know for me that I'll be alright
the moon is orange and your kiss is sweet
we stand in the street and admire the glow
and in the woods you hold my hand
and on the hill you give me flowers
and at the sunset you I love
and I know you love me more
than I could ever know